What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you have a fight with your partner? Just the very first thought in the first 2 seconds? According to me, it varies between these-
1) What did I do?
2) Is he/she the same person who loved me?
3) God, is this even love?
4) Are we even compatible?
5) What is wrong with him?
The next 5 -10 seconds-
1) Should I trust him again?
2) Will this always be this hard?
3) Would he say sorry this time?
4) Will things ever be the same again?
5) Is there someone else in his life?
Now these are just some theories that I have been able to conjure up after having some experience of relationships ( failed, abandoned, passed, real, imaginary) in the second half of my total lifetime so far (and with the help of some reading, and some talking, and some gossiping, and some logic), and here is how I believe you can move ahead if you truly, really, dedicatedly are in love and you believe the person is the best you could have. (does not imply blind trust but a definite feeling that this is the man and he really isn’t straying, doesn’t indulge in physical or mental torture in the name of love etc)
THE YANG TO MY YIN
Now since I am a woman, I am ought to taking the Yin form more appropriately although I mostly identify with most YANG characteristics, but for the sake of generalization, let’s just assume I am the YIN and my YANG seems a little mistuned lately. My dark side(Yin) is a little more active and I am getting all sorts of doubts and lack of confidence or misunderstandings but they are definitely taking over my Yang AND its time to strike a balance. How do I do it?
The answer to your questions in the first TWO seconds should come to you quickly, let’s say within 5-10 mins of your last discussion/fight. And it should be that of reasoning with yourself that this is JUST A FIGHT and not the end of the world or the relationship. It’s just not your day and it doesn’t mean that this will pave way to a permanent strain in your relationships. God knows how many fights end up bringing the couple closer since they realize their shortcomings and work better to make the relationship even more compatible.
Harmony CAN be attained. It doesn’t have to be god gifted or fake either. But you have to give your heart and soul a reason that’s good enough to give yourself into the relationship, to rekindle the fire.
DO NOT ASSUME things.
COMMUNICATE with your partner openly what’s bothering you. If you show faith, faith will hold your hand and lead the way.
DON’T SULK OR CUT OFF COMMUNICATIONS
It’s understandable that you are hurt and angry, but prolonged gap of communication can widen the gorge. Let the YANG energy inside you overcome doubts and shadows of the Yin for that while. Once the paths are unblocked and your partner does come back to his normal self, then you can definitely re-attain the harmony with his YANG energies.
DON’T BRING YOUR EGO IN INITIATING A DIALOGUE OR EVEN SORRY
If you think this will help make matters work out smoothly, put that ego aside and say sorry, even when its not your fault. It’s important for one partner to at least calm down flared tempers before any REASONING can be maturely discussed. TWO HOTHEADS or even one alone cannot make a change but even if one tries to first calm down the ruffled feathers and then when the mood is amicable, bring out the topic that needs to be addressed, the other person will listen and you can make a difference.
IF YOUR PARTNER IS DISTRACTED OR DISTANT, DON’T JUMP THE GUN AND ASSUME HE/SHE IS STRAYING
Its not likely that when a partner is distant, he/she MUST be having someone else in their life. This DOUBT can KILL your relationship. I am not saying have BLIND FAITH, but don’t go all CBI onto the case and start snooping. Again, the key is communication. Talk it out. 90% chances are that there are some issues at work that are stressing him/her out. Treating them to a getaway, massage, nice dinner, wine, music, movie, playtime whatever suits your mutual tastes, will work wonder.
Okay so I know this is very unlikely of me to write up something like that but it’s an honest observation and experience based analysis that has been very helpful.
Give me a heads up if you enjoy this article.